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22 December ~2009
Its odd to have so much time at home, since I am so used to patterning my life around working. My first thought was to go backpacking, and I almost did, last weekend, but decided to spend the time getting ready for Christmas. Today I put the tree up. Tomorrow morning I will wrap the gifts for my daughters.
My home is very quiet, which is how I like it. I resist anything that changes this life I enjoy. I suspect that if I got involved seriously with someone that my priorities would not be the same as theirs. I don't know many women who like to head up to the mountains backpacking as much as I do, especially in winter. It's important to realize this before a person gets all tied into knots trying to please someone.
My daughter said I might consider not letting ladies get too interested in me, and definitely avoid telling them my stories. They are bound to be disappointed. She is right. What drives me is the memory of all the wonderful things I have seen in the mountains, and the hope and expectation of what I might witness during my next wilderness trip. Not too many women want to hear that they rate behind a desire to head up alone with three border collies, but that is the truth of it. Also, I was married for 26 years, and have done all that.
I see it as a good thing to have the strength to handle solitude and lonliness. which may be part of the trial you must go through get to that next high destination.
I am plenty involved in community, in my storytelling, my nature programs, and the dances I go to. But I do not shy away from time alone, either at home or up in the wilderness. The truth is we are all really alone.
- Henri Rollins