| 
23 November ~2008
I had a quiet birthday - didn't mention it to anyone, not wanting the attention. In the morning I told my November story for the three classes of third graders, which went well, and was rewarding. I thought about going swing dancing in the evening but I had to get up early Saturday and go to horse rescue, so watched movies on the couch, sharing my popcorn with Ben and Maggie and Mollie.It was fine to spend the day alone, but quite a contrast to how this house was ten years ago.
If I have learned anything through this last decade, it is to take the turns in life with a firm resilence, to not expect a bunch more than the moment that is here. That, and health, and my dogs close by, is ok with me.
There is no doubt I could have some lady friends if I put my energy to it, but I am too satisfied with the way things are. Something tells me it wouldn't take too long before I was changing things to please them. I mean dogs are pretty easy to live with - very accepting, like mountains. You tend to get used to that.
I have a good friend who was asking me why I havent moved on like I should - why I havent replaced my exwife with someone. I said there was a woman from Kentucky I liked, who told me the greatest stories - walking behind her Dad when she was young in the tall woods, what paw paw was, how she felt it the moment her Dad passed on. It was an honor to listen to her - and may have been what she needed right then.
The truth is, if I for certain wanted a relationship, I wouldn't be so darn relieved when my half-hearted attempts at one come to an end, as if thank God I have my freedom back.
There is something to that; what excites me is the adventure of travelling off trail to some ridge, immersing myself in the beauty and mystery of wilderness, the companionship of my loyal dogs. Everything else seems pretty boring compared to that. Not many understand, but not many have been up to see the places me and my dogs have.
Or it may be that I just havent' fallen in love yet, and am not willing to compromise for anything that doesnt knock me over with passion.
My standard is the feeling I remember back when I thought someone might not return who I cared about deeply, and what it was like when she did. If there is not something close to that, it is not going to happen.
And I am ok being alone, with these good dogs of mine.
 |
||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
||||||||
 |
||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
||||||||
 |
||||||||||
 |
||||||||||
 |
||||||||||
 |
 |
|||||||||
 |
||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
||||||||
 |
||||||||||
 |
||||||||||
 |
||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
||||||||
 |
||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
||||||||
 |
||||||||||
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|