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09 September ~ 2007
How many times have I said that I am not sure whether I want a relationship, that I am afraid it might in time pull me away fom the things I love so much: - The reckless and free high mountains days up near timberline, just me and my border collies, or the honky tonk nights, dancing with all the slender, athletic, gorgeous, half drunk ladies in the place.Wouldn't you know it then that when I found a woman I could maybe start changing my mind about, that she would turn out to be as noncommittal and free as I was.
"I'm really not interested in a serious relationship - with anyone," is what she said.
Damn. I love her even more now. She let me off the hook.
I will admit to having mixed feelings about it though, because I felt a connection with her, something longer than the length of the song we were dancing to. That doesnt happen to me very often.
She said she would still like to dance together when we see each other at the Rose, and that likely will happen. There is a good chance we will remain friends.
Actually, we may be leaving things at the bittersweet place where hope and expectation are frozen. Whatever future we might have had will remain a mystery . Sometimes that is the best, and most romantic way to end things. I will always think of her of the softspoken, sexy, sweet woman that she is now.
Do you get what I am saying? Barbara Kingsolver said it this way: "A bird in the hand loses its mystery in no time flat."
Maybe it is just me, but I see too many relationships progressing in 5 years to both partners sitting on the couch watching TV on Saturday nights. What may remain in my future is spending all my time off tromping around in the high country with my dogs, as long as they are able, then coming down to vent my desire for companionship spinning slender and smiling ladies around the dance floor. That is the life I am fond of, and it is a good one. Everybody else can plant their butts on the couch and watch TV on weekends. I see life as being too short for that. Some of us need a different path.
And I have embraced a truth that you don't quite realize unless you go through it once in a while:
A person never feels quite so free as when their heart is broken.
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My daughters have a sense a humor, and they don't pull any punches where Dad is concerned.
Amy said: "Yeah; She probably thinks your ugly and you have food stuck in your mustache. The end "
Then Alyssa had to top that with her two cents:
" if she has eyes, she might have a clue."
And they are probably right. I have spent a lot of time in the backcountry for a lot of years now. I have to be myself though.
