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12 July ~ 2007
This week I am off work, and today I started cleaning the garage. I have already taken two pickup loads to Goodwill, and the trash for tomorrow is full, so I am doing good. I am going deeper than I have in past attempts. I came across some preschool paintings of Amy's, and a cassette tape of Alyssa playing faded love on her violin.I stacked up some high school and college yearbooks of my exwife's. I will drop them off at Alyssa's house, since her mother visits there two or three times a year.
In the boxes I was going through was a notebook where I planned our vacation to Monterey and Big Sur and Carpinteria, indicating how many nights at each. We had some very nice vacations driving to the Coast. During one we camped right on the shore at Carpinteria, and our trailer was only 60 feet from the water at high tide. The girls spent a lot of time walking the beach, looking for seashells. I remember me and Amy coming across a perfect Abalone Shell.
I get a good feeling going through these papers, coming from the love that was in our family. It makes me proud that even when she asked for a divorce I treated her well, not getting a lawyer, not insisting that we split half. It was worth it, to have an amicable parting. There are things of more value than money.
Of course I was broken hearted, which most certainly has been the fuel for all the wilderness journeys I have taken these years.
As soon as the judge announced the divorce complete six years ago, I rushed out of the courtroom, embarassed at how hard I was taking the finality of it all. My depth of emotions were understandable though - we had been together since we were kids, and I had not dated seriously before I met Janet.
She waited at the courthouse six years ago, and met me as I was leaving. We didn't speak, but she came up and embraced and kissed me.
I wouldn't mind being friends, after all we have been through, but she is remarried, which complicates it all.
I won't be marrying again.
To Hear Alyssa Playing Faded Love, Click Here.
