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19 April ~2008

I went hiking a few days ago to find Pasque Flower, the native wild crocus, and maybe spring beauty blooming in the foothills.  I found a few of both just beginning to flower.  Me and the dogs came across them on a steep slope, where snowbanks were still on the shaded north aspects.  We found spots where wildlife wore down the vegetation at the crest of ridges, slightly on the east side - no doubt a favorite location for taking in the warm rays of winter morning sun.

And writing of warmth, the seeds I put in the soil last weekend are already up.  We have had three days since then of 70 degrees or above.  Tomorrow I am going to plant some more, and spray my oak tree with a vegetable oil/soap mixture.  That is an ancient remedy to remove boring bugs on trees - it coats the surface with oil and the bugs suffocate.  It is a nice alternative to spending 20 bucks on a petroleum-based oil spray at the garden store, and works just as good.  A few years ago my precious oak tree in the front was attacked by a kermes scale insect, and I had to actively protect the tree or else lose it.  I have then licked now - last year the tree started producting acorns again.

It was such a beautiful day today.  I noticed the house finches and chickadees and robins and morning doves were expressing the joy of spring in their singing and movement.  I understand the ancient rhythm beating in their little hearts.  We all feel it, now that winter is a memory.

Tomorrow me and the dogs will take a long morning walk down in the Greenbelt, to see the wild plums blooming and take in their heavenly fragrance.  If I had to pick a favorite time of year (I like them all), this would be it - with the white plum blossoms open while the frogs are croaking in the pond and the meadow is a rich green.

I happened into a conversation with a young woman today.  She was a nice person and I was comfortable with her, and we shared some memorable events from our lives.   I told her when my Dad was in the hospital a last time and he opened his eyes and recognized me, that I said I loved him and he tried to speak, but couldnt.  With his eyes fixed on mine he pointed to himself and pointed to me.

She said she was born in Poland, and once when she was visiting home, her Grandmother said this might be the last time you see me.  Her grandmother said that before, and Joanne always said  'Oh Grandma, I am going to see you again, stop saying that.'  This time for some reason Joanne listened to her, and just held her grandmother tight.   That was the last time - a few days later her Grandmother died.

Joanne said she had started a relationship recently, and she is very happy. She said its funny because I have known him more than half my life, for the last ten years: "All the sudden we saw each other differently, and things changed between us," she said.   "I feel like he could be the one, that we might marry."

I was at a loss on what to say, because for whatever reason I have suppressed feelings like that - I didn't want to take away from what she was telling me.

Finally I said "It seems to be different when you're older - you are only 23 - I am 56."
But I admitted that 'Its what we all want, down deep."   "Things just get so complicated."

Yeah, that's true, complicated.  Your heart gets scarred, and you continue on the best you can.  That is what being strong is all about.

But we too often thing of love as romantic love, between a man and a woman.   Noone can take away from the love I will feel walking down there in the morning with my beloved border collies,  feeling the power and energy in the new green grass, the bud's bursting on the Cottonwoods, and the peace and beauty in the fragrance of wild plums drifting across the meadow.

And before then - tonight, I plan to go out on this full moon and dance until my legs are weary - to hold smiling, beautiful women, to feel their muscles and spirit as we circle and slide around the hardwood.  That darn sure is another kind of love, of this life that I am still in.  The best prayer of gratitude is a life well lived.

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