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15 April ~2008
It was so warm yesterday - almost 80 degrees. I decided to go to the Tuesday night Lindy Dance at the Mercury, and threw my mountain bike in the back of my truck, so I could ride it through downtown on the way there.First I went to the Tattered Cover and browsed through all the books and magazines with coffee in hand. I get such a warm and rich feeling in that historical building, with the rows and rows of books on two floors. It sparks a urge to be creative, even if it is just my humble writings in this journal.
On the second floor a woman like a statue looked at me close and turned away. When she did I couldn't help but notice what good shape she was in. (yeah, ok, I was getting an eyeful - being a man). She turned back around and came over and said I know you don't work here, but can you tell me where the exercise books are. I was embarassed, and didn't, and she thanked me anyway.
It felt a little like a curse right then to be so quiet, and even somewhat shy at 56 years old. Its not easy to change your nature. I wondered about missed opportunities as she walked away.
That is probably part of the reason I like to dance so much - not a lot of talking is required. In fact if you chat during a song you are not into the moment - enjoying the music and rhythm and each others company. Some people who must have been part of a dance group or class were wearing red shirts at the Mercury last night that said 'Shut Up And Dance.''
After I left the Tattered Cover I drove east on 17th street, and happened to notice a man in the bottom floor of an office building totally absorbed in a book he was reading.
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I had the feeling this was going to be a good night at the Mercury, and it surely was. There is a lot of satisfaction to have been going to these swing dances very regularly for over three years now. You pick up timing and nuances over the weeks and months that you don't even notice. What makes it interesting is that there is always room to learn more, and of course dancing with new partners.
I love the blues swing songs the most, because of their strong beat and what seems like more depth to the music, at least compared to jazz and big band. I will sit out several songs until one is right, unless a lady comes up and asks me to dance.
That happens fairly often during the swing dances, because even though I am old, the ladies know that I am experienced at dancing, and that is what they come out to do. It is not enjoyable to stand and watch during a good song when you feel like dancing. I do my part so that doesnt happen to them.
My life has changed quite a bit since my divorce in 2001. I don't mean to always bring up my long marriage, but it is clear that is still drags on me. Even now I see that my love for her was deep and lasting, but I have tried to move on the best I can. I am grateful that she has been content to let our exchanges lessen to nothing the last couple of years. The only thing for me now is to keep on looking forward.
What I have learned is that you can have great joy in your life that coexists with profound sorrow. It is something many of us will eventually understand before this ride is done.
Thank goodness last night was one of those times of joy , and rhythm, holding agile and talented and gorgeous women.
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Listen To "In The Shape Of A Heart", by Tracy Grammar
(enter userid of music and password of music).