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17 February~2008
I went to Horse Rescue a day early because I had a nature program scheduled for Saturday. When I got there Jenny took me around and showed me the wind damage they had suffered the Friday before. Apparently the winds got to 90 mph, and you couldn't see the horses in the pasture from the barn through all the blowing snow. When the weather gets that severe they take those 1000 pound hay rolls out to the pastures for the horses to constantly be able to graze upon.First I redid the ties on the large stack of hay that still had a tarp mostly attached. Then I started to put back up a metal corral that had been blown down, when a gust of wind caught one of the plywood shades wired to it. I got two of the sides up pretty easily, then tried to lift a side of three sections that still had the plywood on. Nothing doing - I just didn't have the strength, and sure didn't want to throw my back out overdoing it. I was the only man on the ranch, except for the horseshoer, and he was busy. I figured I would take off the plywood slabs if I had to, to get it up.
Before I got to that, and without me asking a lady came up and said maybe the two of us can get that up. Still nothing doing. She went into the barn and got another lady, and us three got it up. I then hammered some metal fence posts in so it would stay up while I got it secured.
A good break while I am working is to lean on whatever tool I am using at the time, and watch how efficient and competent the women are who work on the ranch. (I am not young - need to take a breather now and again). You should see Stacy handle the Kubota tractor while scraping up loose hay and doing whatever needs to be done. When they are feeding in the pasture in the summer one drives and the other throws hay out the back of the truck while the horses trot along. (Usually Christie has done the throwing on the days I have been there).
I went over and checked the Cottonwood trees I planted last fall. They were perfect. The fabric ties I put on them held true. I gave all the trees a good drink of water then, which was all they needed since this winter we havent had any long dry and warm spells as sometimes happens.
I have been coming here for two years now, this month. I see myself continuing for a long time. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I have learned a few things also. One is that the deepest kind of happiness is found when you are sharing yourself, in the service of others. That comes easy when you are doing something you love - like being outside, around those horses, or leading a bunch of parents and teachers and children on a nature walk, sharing what I know and love about nature and wildness.
I didn't write anything about Valentine's Day this year, because there doesnt seem to be any point to it. I dated four or five times since my divorce, but it never worked out. In all honesty I think that I gave myself to Janet years ago, but towards the end when she started turning away I let my love of nature and wilderness take over. Now it seems like there is no going back. I plan backpack trips with my dogs for any time off I have. Up there, alone, in the hard beauty of the mountains I am about as satisfied as I am going to be.
I for one, am willing to endure a certain amount of unhappiness, of struggle. Too much contentment and comfort results in bland lives.
To be honest that is where a lot of Americans get stuck - sitting in front of that TV, planning some vacation among the other tourists, driving around endlessly in boxes on wheels.
I wonder how many people wake up after getting what they thought they wanted all those years, and feel a major emptiness in their lives, in spite of all of what they have. That may be a clue that your priorities have been out of wack for some time.
My heart's desire is always to leave my truck at a trailhead, feel the strength in my back and legs as I follow my beloved border collies uphill, to find some high hidden campsite and sit with them and revel in the beauty of this earth and the love we have for one another. Yeah, I am withdrawing more, but that is ok with me - Wildness and simplicity brings out the best in who we are as people. Televison and cars and technology and change for the sake of fixing your boring life does not.
But I still like to dance and I sure love women, and I was not about to sit home alone on Valentine's Day. It was a nice crowd at the Rose (Thursday night). Later on there were more ladies than men, which seemed to be groups of single girls out to celebrate all things antiValentine. I danced with a lot of them, and had a great time, and they seemed to also. A warm embrace as you move to the music, the feel of hard muscles and rhythm goes a long way with making you forget that things might not be as you had expected.
I may be a little weary from how some things of gone, but that is all pretty small compared to the love and passion that remains in my heart - for the thousands of stars in a mountain sky in February on a wind swept night, the the friendship of my two loyal dogs, the beautiful smile and hard backs of those slender ladies at the Rose.
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